Hopefully, 2011 will be more promising for my body.  Although, I must say, I kinda love this picture for my 2011 mantra…

Enjoy!

Click here to view the embedded video.

I wake up everyday and check myself out. 

I look at my hips.  My belly.  And my thighs.   

And then I stare. 

I stare at my whole body. 

I stare for a couple minutes. 

I stand and I stare. 

I am convinced that if I stare long enough and hard enough my lady lumps will go away.

But they don’t.  

They are there. 

And they are there to stare. 

Some days, I get pissed and it becomes Me vs. Me… 

‘You dumb ass!  You are so fat!  What the fuck were you thinking last night?  Like you had to have all that beer and cheese!  You are so stupid!  Stupid!  Stupid!  Stop it, already!’ 

(Yes, I have had this mental argument…many times…)

Other days, I proud of my curves… 

It feels good to be a woman!

I am woman, hear me roar! 

Today I am going to work it!  

Work it!  

Work it!

Work it!

These days are my best day. 

I work it because I love food. 

I work it because I love beer. 

I work it because I want to live life! 

I work it because when I die I will work it no more…

So, I will continue to work it… 

Work it… 

Work it…

Work it!

I am not ashamed of loving food a little too much…

I am ashamed of drinking a little too much…

I am just not ashamed. 

So again…

I will continue to stare. 

To eat.

To drink.

To live. 

And to love. 

Sunday is the big day!  The Pittsburgh Steelers vs. the Arizona Cardinals in Tampa Bay!  And to help ease the pain of party planning, here are 10 tips to help you plan the party of the year for the game of the year!

1.  So, you want to have a themed party?  Make it a 40′s party!  Load up the refrigerator with your favorite malt liquor and throw down!  To make it extra special for your guests, provide brown paper bags for the finishing touches!

2.  Sick of chips and salsa?  Replace the salsa with some Pace Mexican Four Cheese Salsa con Queso and you are good to go!  Dip that chip!  It is so freakin’ good!

3.  Hot Wings are a must for every house party!  And when you wash down the heat with some beer…HEAVEN!  If you live near a Kroger grocery store, try their store brand hot sauces.  They are HOT as HELL and delicious! 

4.  Cookies are always a pleasant surprise when you go to a party!  Pick up some Chunky Chocolate Chip Cookies from Costco!  They taste like fancy pants gourmet cookies- but they’re not!  Cheap and yummy- how awesome is that?

5.  To pass the time during halftime, play some Jenga!  Everyone’s favorite wood block game!  Not only will you be at the ‘edge of your seat’ with fun, but you can watch your slightly intoxicated party-goer friends intensely concentrate on the tower of blocks! 

6.  Squares, squares, and more squares!  Make sure your guests are ready to gambling and make some extra bucks!  That’s right, Dolla Dolla Bills, Y’all!

7.  If you are not interested in drinking beer from a paper bag, try drinking wine from a paper box!  Yes, years ago we all called box wine, ‘White Trash Champagne’, but it has made a comeback!  Try Black Box Wines to toast your team’s win!  After all, it is award winning!

8.  Have you ever had an Incredible Hulk?  Next to the Rusty Beach, it is one of the best mixed drinks- EVER!  Mix up some Hypnotic Liquor and Cognac and VOILA!  You have an Incredible Hulk!  Green and Mean!

9.  Need some more snacks?  Spinach dip with anything!  Chips, crackers, chains, and whips, spinach dip tastes great!  And who doesn’t want to bathe in it?!?  It is sooo yummy!   (Oh, and spinach is a great source of iron!)

10.  Last, but not least, NEVER NEVER NEVER have a BYOB party!  If you are going to have a party, do it right or don’t do it AT ALL!  A case of beer is $20, you can spend $20!  Your guests will more than likely bring a host (hostess) gift, so take it easy and supply the brews! 

You are free as bird without any boundaries or extra baggage.  No worries about babysitting, the color of poop, or vaccinations.  No worries.  No worries.  No worries.  The only worries maybe too many highlights with your lowlights or too much foam in your latte.     

Becoming a parent is a life changing experience.  Kids bring a joy to your life that is unexplainable.  It honestly is a miracle.  One minute, you are single and ready to mingle.  Nine months later, you are blessed with a little mini-me.  As you watch them grow, you get warm fuzzy feelings all over your body.  You light up when you see their smile from across the room.  You want to love ‘em, hug ‘em and call ‘em George all day long.  You are their protector, educator, and best of all, mommy (or daddy).

But, the excitement of parenthood, can mess with the best of us.  Our identity is lost as our brain slowly diminishes to Nick Jr. and Noggin.   Our interests in politics, religion, fashion, and art become Dora and Sesame Street conversations.  And sadly, Blues Clues and Yo Gabba Gabba replace The Office and 30 Rock as ‘Must See TV.’ 

However, in the words of Public Enemy, you gotta ‘Fight the Power’ with drinking!  After you put little Jack or Janie to bed, unwind with a glass or two of wine or a can or two of beer.  Special Warning: No more than two!  It will help soothe the reality of everyday stress and help you cope with knowing all the words to Barney’s ‘I Love You’. 

Drinking after the little one goes to sleep does not make you a bad parent.  It makes you a better parent!  Why would you want to shout and take your frustrations out on you little baby?  Are you a serial killer or something?!?   

However, I must confess, there is another Special Warning:  You will freak out the first time your little one wakes up while you are enjoying your Merlot.  So, take it easy!  Stay calm!  If you freak out, they will freak out more.  Take your little one back to bed and shut the door.  Now,wait…  Wait about 10 minutes before you get your drink on again.  This will give little Janie or Jack a chance to start counting sheep and you a chance to relax and stop telling yourself you are a bad parent.

During your time of unwinding, reminisce about the good ‘ol days.  Your days of listening to Depeche Mode and wearing Doc Martens.  That one time in band camp and sneaking into the clubs with your sister’s fake ID.  Aaahh, the good ‘ol days!  You finally found yourself again!  No kids.  No worries.  Aaahh, the comfort of beer!   Afterall, after your mommy (or daddy) title, you are YOU!  And gosh darn it, people like you!

Now, I’m not a wine connoisseur, but I know that wine lovers LIKE their wine.  And after a hard day at work, they WANT their wine!  And after a SUPER hard day at work, they NEED their wine!  So, why not just buy the wine lover in your family some wine?  Pretty simple, huh? 

But before you visit your local wine shop or gourmet market to slurge on some vintage wine, visit the Windy City Wine Guy‘s site for some suggestions on great buys for under $15!  Afterall, he is the expert on vino!

And remember, it isn’t about the amount of $$ you spend, it is about seeing them smile!