Tip 1- Don’t wear shorts!  Euros do not wear shorts unless they are at the beach, out in the field working in the hot hot sun, or playing soccer.  Therefore, there is NO REASON for you to wear shorts in Paris, Munich, London, or any other European metropolis!  Yes, even if it is hot!  NO ONE wants to see your hairy manly legs, Nike socks, and Nike shoes.  No one. 

Tip 2- Put the camera down!  Do you really need a picture of E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G?  Oh, Look!  A man painting a picture in Paris!  Oh, Look!  A woman carrying fruit in a basket!  Oh, Look!  A kid with flies all over his nose!  Aaww!  How cute!  Stop!  Just stop!  It is not nice!  Plus, would you really take a picture of a homeless man in Detroit or a picture of a street vendor in NYC?  No, they would probably beat the shit out of you!  So, please put the camera down!

Tip 3- Don’t get drunk!  Have you ever heard of ‘Belgian Girls Gone Wild’?  or ‘MTV’s Euro Spring Break’?  Well, that’s because they do not exist!  Yes, Europeans may make freaky-deaky porns and enjoy their beer and wine; however, they do not all of the sudden get crazy-ass drunk, start doing body shots off their best friend, and become bi-sexual for the night!  It just doesn’t happen.  

Tip 4- America IS NOT the world police!  Contrary to popular belief, we do not own the world!  We cannot do whatever we want, wherever we want, whenever we want!  Other countries have laws and we need to abide by them.  This is even in your passport- Yes, our beloved country even tells you to chill out with the arrogance.  So, once again, before you think you are Princess Di and try to smuggle 30 kids into the United States, remember this little tidbit of information!

Tip 5- US currency is not accepted everywhere!  In Japan, you pay with a yen- not a dollar.  A cup of coffee in London is about £1.30 not $1.30.  If you are traveling in Europe, exchange your dollars for Euros.  Please do not try to pay with a $50 bill after you enjoyed your dinner.  It’s embarrassing. 

Tip 6- Not everyone speaks American- I mean, English!  If someone tells you once that they do not speak English, they cannot miraculously start speaking English if you keep speaking in English to them.  They do not speak English!  Leave them alone, learn the native tongue, or STFU!

Tip 7- Not everyone drives an American car!  Frenchmen do not drive Ford F-150s.  The Brits do not roll in Dodge Rams.  And not every family around the world has an SUV with navigation and a DVD player.  Oh, and walk away before you say, ‘Oh, how cute!  That car is so small!’

Tip 8- Knee-length white socks are a no-no!  Oh, and white socks with black shoes are an even bigger no-no!  If you feel the need to wear socks with your sneakers or sandals, please wear pants!  Please.  

Tip 9- Try the national dish!  Yes, McDonald’s is E-V-E-R-Y-W-H-E-R-E, but that doesn’t mean you have to eat it!  Try the pad thai in Thailand!  Eat lamb and eggplant moussaka in Greece!  And don’t roll your eyes when you’re told what ingredients are in falafel when you are in Middle East!

Tip 10- Play nice!  Once you get your passport, consider it permission to represent America.  Yes, some people may rude and unhelpful, but at least you won’t be labeled as a sterotypical American.

Heaven can’t be too far away…

Click here to view the embedded video.

Yes, it is sad.  We can only hope Jon and Kate get through this difficult time.

But until then…let’s drink! 

Take a swig each time:

• Kate belittles Jon
• Kate ‘tells’ Jon to do something (to put it nicely) 
• Kate touches her hair (…please get a new hairstyle)
• Kate mentions her book
• Jon is staring off into space while Kate is talking…and talking…and talking
• Kate talks about remodeling/decorating the house
• Jon is ‘on a trip’
• Kate mentions something about having a meltdown (or not having a meltdown…yet)
• Jon is sitting on the couch alone
• Kate is sitting on the couch alone
• Kate is rude or sarcastic to a contractor or stranger

Chug it if:

• Kate rolls her eyes at Jon
• Jon rolls his eyes at Kate
• Jon is sarcastic to Kate
• Kate says, ‘Huge steps for me…Huge!’
• The family van makes an appearance
• Jon smirks when he knows Kate is uncomfortable with house project
• Jon says, ‘It’s hard for me…’

Slam the entire bottle if:

• Kate says, ‘I’m sorry…’
• Jon defends himself
• Kate and Jon show affection to one another (I know…WTF?)

For more Jon and Kate drinking game ideas, check out Chris McCorkle

Take 1 Swig when…
- A beer is consumed
- Someone falls
- A girl’s shirt is ripped off
- Landfill acts fat
- Something gets broken
- The American Team acts gay

2 Swigs when…
- Anyone says “Great Gam Gam” or refers to her as a whore
- Das Boot is mentioned or used
- Anytime food is thrown
- A frog is jerked off
- Fink is wearing a different yamaka

3 Swigs when…
- “Po Po” is said
- The German Team acts gay
- They mispronounce Mr. Schniedelwichsen’s name

4 Swigs when…
- Someone is killed/dies
- Someone is punched or smacked
- A beer is shotgunned

And finish the drink when…
- Someone yodels

For more great drinking games, check out BarMeister!

First, let’s start with the appetizers… Yummy Grilled Stuffed Jalapeno Chiles with Grilled Red Pepper-Tomato Sauce… MMMMM!  The cheese soothes the jalapeno’s spicy kick and unlike deep-fried jalapeno poppers the first bite will not scorch the roof of your mouth (unless you are impatient).  To help ease the heat, try pairing this delicious appetizer with a Duvel beer.  

Let’s move on to some protein.  What better way to add protein in your diet than Chicken Wings with Red Hot Honey Glaze and Blue Cheese-Celery Dipping Sauce.  The sweetness of the honey glazed wings can be enjoyed alone or dipped in sauce.  Flay prepares the wings on a BBQ grill which adds extra flavor to the savory chicken.  Your Duvel beer works well here, too.  But, if you are looking for something a little different, try a Schloss Eggenberg Urbock 23.   

Lastly, you gotta have MORE meat and potatoes!  Sliders with Chipotle Mayonnaise and Vinegar and Salt Grilled Potatoes!  Yum Yum!   The sliders are tender and moist and the chipotle mayo adds a dash of smokiness to the mini-burgers.  The potatoes are not your typically french fries!  Like salt and vinegar potato chips, they are tangy and crunchy.  Oh, will your mouth tingle!  To add ying to the sliders and potatoes’ yang, try pairing these tasty treats with Dogfish Head Indian Brown Ale.  This beer will stand up to the assortment of flavors in your mouth as the inner Brit in you enjoys your pub-themed party food.   

For more information on Bobby Flay’s Boy Meets Grill pub food, check out Food Network.  

Oh, Chris!  Poor, dumb Chris!  Who can forget the day you were too stupid for public school and the day you asked Old Man Herbert if he was a pedophile…

And Meg!  Oh, crazy Meg!  The vision of you seducing Brian and the look in your eyes as you grasped a package of hot dogs will haunt our memories forever…

To help ease the pain and comfort the inappropriateness, a drinking game in honor of Family Guy has been created.  So, let’s raise our glasses and toast to the Drunken Clam, Cleveland’s wife, and Quagmire’s love for the ladies…

Giggidy-giggidy-giggidy-giggidy!   Oh, yeah!

Take One Sip When…

• There’s a flashback
• Peter laughs
• Peter drinks a beer
• Peter does something stupid
• Peter says ‘Sweet’
• Stewie has a weapon
• Stewie says ‘Victory is mine!’
• Stewie chats with random adults
• Lois makes dinner
• Brian drinks
• Brian smokes
• Quahog News airs
• Trisha Takinowa reports
• There’s a family driving scene

Takes Two Sips When…

• Peter talks on the phone
• Stewie and Brian fight
• Stewie and Brian make fun of each other
• Joe says ‘Alright, let’s do it!’
• The scene is intentionally drawn out
• Chris says something stupid
• Chris has a good one-liner

Take Three Sips When…

• Someone falls down
• A random sequence airs

Finish the Beer When…

• Someone/A group breaks out in song
• Evil Monkey appears
• Kid with upside down face appears
• There’s a parody of another cartoon/TV show
• William Shatner appears

Are you drunk yet?

For more Family Guy fun, visit Stewie’s Playground.

On a lighter note… To honor our favorite staff at Scared Heart, a drinking game has been created!  What better way to show your love than to get drunk?  So, sit down and drink up, newbie!  This is going to be extra special! 

Oh, and don’t forget the Appletini!

• Dr. Cox calls JD by a woman’s name
• Dr. Cox calls JD “Newbie”
• Carla calls JD “Bambi”
• Dr. Cox calls Elliot “Barbie”
• JD calls Turk “Chocolate Bear”
• Dr. Kelso calls someone “Sport”, “Champ”, or “Sweetheart”
• The Todd Hi-Fives someone
• There is a flashback
• There is a dream sequence
• There is a fantasy
• Someone dances or sings
• Elliot shows her bra
• Dr. Cox puts his hands on top of his head
• The Janitor is shown actually cleaning
• Someone says “Jesus”, “God”, “The Lord”, or “Christ”
• The Todd wears his banana hammock
• Are you drunk yet? 

For more game ideas, check out Tarfumes.com

You are free as bird without any boundaries or extra baggage.  No worries about babysitting, the color of poop, or vaccinations.  No worries.  No worries.  No worries.  The only worries maybe too many highlights with your lowlights or too much foam in your latte.     

Becoming a parent is a life changing experience.  Kids bring a joy to your life that is unexplainable.  It honestly is a miracle.  One minute, you are single and ready to mingle.  Nine months later, you are blessed with a little mini-me.  As you watch them grow, you get warm fuzzy feelings all over your body.  You light up when you see their smile from across the room.  You want to love ‘em, hug ‘em and call ‘em George all day long.  You are their protector, educator, and best of all, mommy (or daddy).

But, the excitement of parenthood, can mess with the best of us.  Our identity is lost as our brain slowly diminishes to Nick Jr. and Noggin.   Our interests in politics, religion, fashion, and art become Dora and Sesame Street conversations.  And sadly, Blues Clues and Yo Gabba Gabba replace The Office and 30 Rock as ‘Must See TV.’ 

However, in the words of Public Enemy, you gotta ‘Fight the Power’ with drinking!  After you put little Jack or Janie to bed, unwind with a glass or two of wine or a can or two of beer.  Special Warning: No more than two!  It will help soothe the reality of everyday stress and help you cope with knowing all the words to Barney’s ‘I Love You’. 

Drinking after the little one goes to sleep does not make you a bad parent.  It makes you a better parent!  Why would you want to shout and take your frustrations out on you little baby?  Are you a serial killer or something?!?   

However, I must confess, there is another Special Warning:  You will freak out the first time your little one wakes up while you are enjoying your Merlot.  So, take it easy!  Stay calm!  If you freak out, they will freak out more.  Take your little one back to bed and shut the door.  Now,wait…  Wait about 10 minutes before you get your drink on again.  This will give little Janie or Jack a chance to start counting sheep and you a chance to relax and stop telling yourself you are a bad parent.

During your time of unwinding, reminisce about the good ‘ol days.  Your days of listening to Depeche Mode and wearing Doc Martens.  That one time in band camp and sneaking into the clubs with your sister’s fake ID.  Aaahh, the good ‘ol days!  You finally found yourself again!  No kids.  No worries.  Aaahh, the comfort of beer!   Afterall, after your mommy (or daddy) title, you are YOU!  And gosh darn it, people like you!

1.  Banquet Hall Parties-Why would you want to spend hundreds of dollars to ‘party’ at the same place you attended a wedding at last summer?  Was the mostacolli that good?

2.  Dance Clubs- So, you are willing to pay a $50 cover charge for ‘free party favors’ and a ‘champagne toast at midnight’?  Are you sure?  The favors are from the dollar store and the champagne is Andre, so you may want to rethink this one.  Really.   

3.  Your Outfit- Must contain glitter, beading, sequence, or all of the above.    

4.  The Overuse of the Word ‘Exclusive’ - An EXCLUSIVE party for the New Year…  The EXCLUSIVE DJ from Europe…  EXCLUSIVELY from New York…  Exclusive!  Exclusive!  Exclusive! 

5.  Hotel Parties- Can’t you just invite the same people to your house and play Scrabble there?  Really, the hot tub isn’t that necessary.

So, what is my suggestion for NYE since I am being a little judgemental…

Save your money for 2009 and drink at home with Dick Clark!  He was there for you when you were a little kid and he is still here for you wishing you a happy and healthy New Year!  Go, Dick!

For more information on Home Bars, check out this posting!

Oh, and Jack Tripper was such a heartthrob!  As a 8- year- old little girl, I wished I could meet a boy as funny and charming as Jack.  His physical humor and ability to cook set the bar for every boy (and man) I dated.  He was so dreamy!  I had to meet my Jack!

And of course, for the boys (and men) Three’s Company blessed you with the hot blonde, Chrissy, and the perfect girl next door, Janet.  I’m pretty positive that back in 1981 every guy jerked off to the image of Chrissy and Janet kissing at least 12 times a day.  I’m mean, come on, do you remember Chrissy in leotards!?!? 

So, let’s take a moment and raise our glasses to Jack Tripper, Janet Wood, and Chrissy Snow!  And of course, The Regal Beagle!  Three’s Company was the greatest show on earth!