Well, I’m 31 years old now and can pretty much beat my annual salary that my parents had no clue what organic food was back in 1978.   Both my parents were loyal Detroit Rock City factory workers and food had to be quick and easy!  My mother had no time to read labels to determine if the ingredients were healthy enough for me.  I was a formula-fed, Chef Boyardee eatin’, Mt. Dew drinkin’ kid!  Hey, I ended up graduating college and living in the ‘burbs- I’m pretty sure I didn’t come out that bad… 

Now that I am a mom raising a little girl in a somewhat health- conscious society, I am little paranoid about my every move.   Does this juice have too much sugar?  How many hot dogs are acceptable in a week?  Instant or homemade mashed potatoes?  Is Chef Boyardee safe?  Was it ever safe?  Organic milk vs. non-organic milk?  What’s it goin’ be?  Uh?  What’s it goin’ be, dammit! 

Being a parent is tough! 

Last Friday night I went to Trader Joe’s to pick up some cheap wine for my husband’s hunting trip.  While I was trying to find the perfect case of wine for a bunch of deer hunters, I couldn’t believe the amount of boxed organic foods.   Boxed organic crackers.  Boxed organic macaroni.  Boxed organic shepherd’s pie.  What?  Really?  Boxed shepherd’s pie?  Really?  Do you really think an Englishman would eat boxed shepherd’s pie? 

I guess there are some things we all expect to be processed (like Spam, Chef Boyardee, and Hormel Chili), but there are some things, like shepherd’s pie, that we expect to be homemade.  Is boxed organic shepherd’s pie more superior than Hamburger Helper?  Would a hipster from San Francisco enjoyably eat the boxed organic shepherd’s pie, but chuckle if I told him that I used frozen peas and carrots in my dinner last night?  Is organic shepherd’s pie in a box heartier and more filling than the tradition countryside recipe?  I guess I just don’t get it! 

Maybe my whole dilemma comes from the fact that I am a little disturbed with the word ‘organic’ being thrown around so easily.  Organic farmers take pride in their work and they follow very strict guidelines to put the word ‘organic’ on their product.  I find it a little hard to believe that an organic farmer would consciously be comfortable with the fact that his fresh produce was dried, processed, and boxed.  Would he really sacrifice his family’s life and attend countless USDA meetings for a spot on Trader Joe’s top shelf?  I highly doubt it.

Yes, it is sad.  We can only hope Jon and Kate get through this difficult time.

But until then…let’s drink! 

Take a swig each time:

• Kate belittles Jon
• Kate ‘tells’ Jon to do something (to put it nicely) 
• Kate touches her hair (…please get a new hairstyle)
• Kate mentions her book
• Jon is staring off into space while Kate is talking…and talking…and talking
• Kate talks about remodeling/decorating the house
• Jon is ‘on a trip’
• Kate mentions something about having a meltdown (or not having a meltdown…yet)
• Jon is sitting on the couch alone
• Kate is sitting on the couch alone
• Kate is rude or sarcastic to a contractor or stranger

Chug it if:

• Kate rolls her eyes at Jon
• Jon rolls his eyes at Kate
• Jon is sarcastic to Kate
• Kate says, ‘Huge steps for me…Huge!’
• The family van makes an appearance
• Jon smirks when he knows Kate is uncomfortable with house project
• Jon says, ‘It’s hard for me…’

Slam the entire bottle if:

• Kate says, ‘I’m sorry…’
• Jon defends himself
• Kate and Jon show affection to one another (I know…WTF?)

For more Jon and Kate drinking game ideas, check out Chris McCorkle

We should all appreciate what we have, right?

You are free as bird without any boundaries or extra baggage.  No worries about babysitting, the color of poop, or vaccinations.  No worries.  No worries.  No worries.  The only worries maybe too many highlights with your lowlights or too much foam in your latte.     

Becoming a parent is a life changing experience.  Kids bring a joy to your life that is unexplainable.  It honestly is a miracle.  One minute, you are single and ready to mingle.  Nine months later, you are blessed with a little mini-me.  As you watch them grow, you get warm fuzzy feelings all over your body.  You light up when you see their smile from across the room.  You want to love ‘em, hug ‘em and call ‘em George all day long.  You are their protector, educator, and best of all, mommy (or daddy).

But, the excitement of parenthood, can mess with the best of us.  Our identity is lost as our brain slowly diminishes to Nick Jr. and Noggin.   Our interests in politics, religion, fashion, and art become Dora and Sesame Street conversations.  And sadly, Blues Clues and Yo Gabba Gabba replace The Office and 30 Rock as ‘Must See TV.’ 

However, in the words of Public Enemy, you gotta ‘Fight the Power’ with drinking!  After you put little Jack or Janie to bed, unwind with a glass or two of wine or a can or two of beer.  Special Warning: No more than two!  It will help soothe the reality of everyday stress and help you cope with knowing all the words to Barney’s ‘I Love You’. 

Drinking after the little one goes to sleep does not make you a bad parent.  It makes you a better parent!  Why would you want to shout and take your frustrations out on you little baby?  Are you a serial killer or something?!?   

However, I must confess, there is another Special Warning:  You will freak out the first time your little one wakes up while you are enjoying your Merlot.  So, take it easy!  Stay calm!  If you freak out, they will freak out more.  Take your little one back to bed and shut the door.  Now,wait…  Wait about 10 minutes before you get your drink on again.  This will give little Janie or Jack a chance to start counting sheep and you a chance to relax and stop telling yourself you are a bad parent.

During your time of unwinding, reminisce about the good ‘ol days.  Your days of listening to Depeche Mode and wearing Doc Martens.  That one time in band camp and sneaking into the clubs with your sister’s fake ID.  Aaahh, the good ‘ol days!  You finally found yourself again!  No kids.  No worries.  Aaahh, the comfort of beer!   Afterall, after your mommy (or daddy) title, you are YOU!  And gosh darn it, people like you!