Tip 1- Don’t wear shorts!  Euros do not wear shorts unless they are at the beach, out in the field working in the hot hot sun, or playing soccer.  Therefore, there is NO REASON for you to wear shorts in Paris, Munich, London, or any other European metropolis!  Yes, even if it is hot!  NO ONE wants to see your hairy manly legs, Nike socks, and Nike shoes.  No one. 

Tip 2- Put the camera down!  Do you really need a picture of E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G?  Oh, Look!  A man painting a picture in Paris!  Oh, Look!  A woman carrying fruit in a basket!  Oh, Look!  A kid with flies all over his nose!  Aaww!  How cute!  Stop!  Just stop!  It is not nice!  Plus, would you really take a picture of a homeless man in Detroit or a picture of a street vendor in NYC?  No, they would probably beat the shit out of you!  So, please put the camera down!

Tip 3- Don’t get drunk!  Have you ever heard of ‘Belgian Girls Gone Wild’?  or ‘MTV’s Euro Spring Break’?  Well, that’s because they do not exist!  Yes, Europeans may make freaky-deaky porns and enjoy their beer and wine; however, they do not all of the sudden get crazy-ass drunk, start doing body shots off their best friend, and become bi-sexual for the night!  It just doesn’t happen.  

Tip 4- America IS NOT the world police!  Contrary to popular belief, we do not own the world!  We cannot do whatever we want, wherever we want, whenever we want!  Other countries have laws and we need to abide by them.  This is even in your passport- Yes, our beloved country even tells you to chill out with the arrogance.  So, once again, before you think you are Princess Di and try to smuggle 30 kids into the United States, remember this little tidbit of information!

Tip 5- US currency is not accepted everywhere!  In Japan, you pay with a yen- not a dollar.  A cup of coffee in London is about £1.30 not $1.30.  If you are traveling in Europe, exchange your dollars for Euros.  Please do not try to pay with a $50 bill after you enjoyed your dinner.  It’s embarrassing. 

Tip 6- Not everyone speaks American- I mean, English!  If someone tells you once that they do not speak English, they cannot miraculously start speaking English if you keep speaking in English to them.  They do not speak English!  Leave them alone, learn the native tongue, or STFU!

Tip 7- Not everyone drives an American car!  Frenchmen do not drive Ford F-150s.  The Brits do not roll in Dodge Rams.  And not every family around the world has an SUV with navigation and a DVD player.  Oh, and walk away before you say, ‘Oh, how cute!  That car is so small!’

Tip 8- Knee-length white socks are a no-no!  Oh, and white socks with black shoes are an even bigger no-no!  If you feel the need to wear socks with your sneakers or sandals, please wear pants!  Please.  

Tip 9- Try the national dish!  Yes, McDonald’s is E-V-E-R-Y-W-H-E-R-E, but that doesn’t mean you have to eat it!  Try the pad thai in Thailand!  Eat lamb and eggplant moussaka in Greece!  And don’t roll your eyes when you’re told what ingredients are in falafel when you are in Middle East!

Tip 10- Play nice!  Once you get your passport, consider it permission to represent America.  Yes, some people may rude and unhelpful, but at least you won’t be labeled as a sterotypical American.

Yes, it is sad.  We can only hope Jon and Kate get through this difficult time.

But until then…let’s drink! 

Take a swig each time:

• Kate belittles Jon
• Kate ‘tells’ Jon to do something (to put it nicely) 
• Kate touches her hair (…please get a new hairstyle)
• Kate mentions her book
• Jon is staring off into space while Kate is talking…and talking…and talking
• Kate talks about remodeling/decorating the house
• Jon is ‘on a trip’
• Kate mentions something about having a meltdown (or not having a meltdown…yet)
• Jon is sitting on the couch alone
• Kate is sitting on the couch alone
• Kate is rude or sarcastic to a contractor or stranger

Chug it if:

• Kate rolls her eyes at Jon
• Jon rolls his eyes at Kate
• Jon is sarcastic to Kate
• Kate says, ‘Huge steps for me…Huge!’
• The family van makes an appearance
• Jon smirks when he knows Kate is uncomfortable with house project
• Jon says, ‘It’s hard for me…’

Slam the entire bottle if:

• Kate says, ‘I’m sorry…’
• Jon defends himself
• Kate and Jon show affection to one another (I know…WTF?)

For more Jon and Kate drinking game ideas, check out Chris McCorkle

1.  A back tattoo of Jesus on the cross

2.  Barb wire arm tattoo

3.  A single rose above the nips

4.  Tramp stamp

5.  Chinese writing of ‘Love,’ ‘Faith,’ Hope,’ and ‘I’m an asshole’

And the #1 Most Admired Tattoo at a NASCAR Race…

Take 1 Swig when…
- A beer is consumed
- Someone falls
- A girl’s shirt is ripped off
- Landfill acts fat
- Something gets broken
- The American Team acts gay

2 Swigs when…
- Anyone says “Great Gam Gam” or refers to her as a whore
- Das Boot is mentioned or used
- Anytime food is thrown
- A frog is jerked off
- Fink is wearing a different yamaka

3 Swigs when…
- “Po Po” is said
- The German Team acts gay
- They mispronounce Mr. Schniedelwichsen’s name

4 Swigs when…
- Someone is killed/dies
- Someone is punched or smacked
- A beer is shotgunned

And finish the drink when…
- Someone yodels

For more great drinking games, check out BarMeister!

This might be one of the best movie scenes ever!  Love it!

Take a sip of your favorite alcoholic beverage every time you see or hear…

• A man wearing a Speedo (Hot!)
• A woman wearing a Thong th thong thong thong (Rrrr!)
• A man wearing a Thong th thong thong thong (Sick!)
• A New York accent
• A girl with a tramp stamp (Bullseye!)
• A guy with a barb wire tattoo
• A mom yelling, ‘Kids, come here!’
• A kid building a sand castle
• A local guy walking the beach with a female tourist (Someone is gettin’ some tonight!)
• Honeymooners holding each other with pina coladas in their hands

• A hairy guy wearing a big gold medallion
• A Boston accent
• A topless lady (Oh yeah!)
• A jogger running with his/her I-Pod
• A fat old lady wearing a super small bikini
• Someone saying, ‘We’re from Detroit…’ (They’re really not from Detroit, trust me!)
• An old man roaming the beach with his metal detector
• A guy with a pierced nipple (This could also be the same guy with the barb wire tattoo…2 sips!)
• Someone wearing a ‘I Love NY’ shirt
• A local hollering, ‘Watersports!’

• A girl with camel toe (Read her lips, dammit!)
• Someone wearing a Yankees baseball cap
• A girl with braids all over her head
• Someone not wearing sunscreen (Dumb ass!)
• A fat guy with an unlit cigar in his mouth (This may also be the same guy wearing a gold medallion…2 sips!)
• 2 men walking the beach together (Suspect!)
• A woman with Jerry Seinfeld’s haircut
• A cougar (No, not the feline!)
• A fat local lady with a hobo purse saying, ‘Braids for the beautiful lady?’
• Are you drunk yet?

Hope you enjoy the game! And remember to relax…Aaahhh!

To celebrate St. Patrick’s Day in style, try drinking a Guinness!  It is tasty and won’t give you funky green teeth! 

Oh, Chris!  Poor, dumb Chris!  Who can forget the day you were too stupid for public school and the day you asked Old Man Herbert if he was a pedophile…

And Meg!  Oh, crazy Meg!  The vision of you seducing Brian and the look in your eyes as you grasped a package of hot dogs will haunt our memories forever…

To help ease the pain and comfort the inappropriateness, a drinking game in honor of Family Guy has been created.  So, let’s raise our glasses and toast to the Drunken Clam, Cleveland’s wife, and Quagmire’s love for the ladies…

Giggidy-giggidy-giggidy-giggidy!   Oh, yeah!

Take One Sip When…

• There’s a flashback
• Peter laughs
• Peter drinks a beer
• Peter does something stupid
• Peter says ‘Sweet’
• Stewie has a weapon
• Stewie says ‘Victory is mine!’
• Stewie chats with random adults
• Lois makes dinner
• Brian drinks
• Brian smokes
• Quahog News airs
• Trisha Takinowa reports
• There’s a family driving scene

Takes Two Sips When…

• Peter talks on the phone
• Stewie and Brian fight
• Stewie and Brian make fun of each other
• Joe says ‘Alright, let’s do it!’
• The scene is intentionally drawn out
• Chris says something stupid
• Chris has a good one-liner

Take Three Sips When…

• Someone falls down
• A random sequence airs

Finish the Beer When…

• Someone/A group breaks out in song
• Evil Monkey appears
• Kid with upside down face appears
• There’s a parody of another cartoon/TV show
• William Shatner appears

Are you drunk yet?

For more Family Guy fun, visit Stewie’s Playground.