Tip 1- Don’t wear shorts!  Euros do not wear shorts unless they are at the beach, out in the field working in the hot hot sun, or playing soccer.  Therefore, there is NO REASON for you to wear shorts in Paris, Munich, London, or any other European metropolis!  Yes, even if it is hot!  NO ONE wants to see your hairy manly legs, Nike socks, and Nike shoes.  No one. 

Tip 2- Put the camera down!  Do you really need a picture of E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G?  Oh, Look!  A man painting a picture in Paris!  Oh, Look!  A woman carrying fruit in a basket!  Oh, Look!  A kid with flies all over his nose!  Aaww!  How cute!  Stop!  Just stop!  It is not nice!  Plus, would you really take a picture of a homeless man in Detroit or a picture of a street vendor in NYC?  No, they would probably beat the shit out of you!  So, please put the camera down!

Tip 3- Don’t get drunk!  Have you ever heard of ‘Belgian Girls Gone Wild’?  or ‘MTV’s Euro Spring Break’?  Well, that’s because they do not exist!  Yes, Europeans may make freaky-deaky porns and enjoy their beer and wine; however, they do not all of the sudden get crazy-ass drunk, start doing body shots off their best friend, and become bi-sexual for the night!  It just doesn’t happen.  

Tip 4- America IS NOT the world police!  Contrary to popular belief, we do not own the world!  We cannot do whatever we want, wherever we want, whenever we want!  Other countries have laws and we need to abide by them.  This is even in your passport- Yes, our beloved country even tells you to chill out with the arrogance.  So, once again, before you think you are Princess Di and try to smuggle 30 kids into the United States, remember this little tidbit of information!

Tip 5- US currency is not accepted everywhere!  In Japan, you pay with a yen- not a dollar.  A cup of coffee in London is about £1.30 not $1.30.  If you are traveling in Europe, exchange your dollars for Euros.  Please do not try to pay with a $50 bill after you enjoyed your dinner.  It’s embarrassing. 

Tip 6- Not everyone speaks American- I mean, English!  If someone tells you once that they do not speak English, they cannot miraculously start speaking English if you keep speaking in English to them.  They do not speak English!  Leave them alone, learn the native tongue, or STFU!

Tip 7- Not everyone drives an American car!  Frenchmen do not drive Ford F-150s.  The Brits do not roll in Dodge Rams.  And not every family around the world has an SUV with navigation and a DVD player.  Oh, and walk away before you say, ‘Oh, how cute!  That car is so small!’

Tip 8- Knee-length white socks are a no-no!  Oh, and white socks with black shoes are an even bigger no-no!  If you feel the need to wear socks with your sneakers or sandals, please wear pants!  Please.  

Tip 9- Try the national dish!  Yes, McDonald’s is E-V-E-R-Y-W-H-E-R-E, but that doesn’t mean you have to eat it!  Try the pad thai in Thailand!  Eat lamb and eggplant moussaka in Greece!  And don’t roll your eyes when you’re told what ingredients are in falafel when you are in Middle East!

Tip 10- Play nice!  Once you get your passport, consider it permission to represent America.  Yes, some people may rude and unhelpful, but at least you won’t be labeled as a sterotypical American.

-George Bernard Shaw

After a few nights of practice, I did it!  I was able to measure a few alcoholic masterpieces!  To spread the joy, here the three tasty cocktails I perfected to help you start your evening out right!  Enjoy!   

Grass Skirt

Ice Cubes

1 1/2 oz Gin

1 oz Triple Sec or Cointreau

1 oz Pineapple Juice

1/2 teaspoon Grenadine

1 Pineapple Slice

Half-fill a shaker with ice cubes.  Add the gin, triple sec/Cointreau, pineapple juice, and grenadine.  Shake well and pour (unstrained) into an old-fashioned glass.  Garnish with the pineapple slice and enjoy!   

Jamaica Sunday

Crushed Ice

2 oz Jamaican Rum

1 teaspoon Clear Honey

1/2 oz Lime Juice

2 oz Lemonade

Dissolve the honey in the rum and then pour into an old-fashioned glass filled with the crushed ice.  Top with lime juice and lemonade.  Enjoy! 

Hawaiian Vodka

Ice Cubes

3 oz Vodka

1 oz Pineapple Juice

1 oz Orange Juice

1 oz Lemon Juice

1 teaspoon Grenadine

1 Lemon Slice

Half-fill a shaker with ice cubes.  Pour in the all the juices and vodka.  Shake well and strain into an old-fashioned glass.  Garnish with the lemon slice and enjoy! 

Recipes from The Cocktail Handbook

Let’s see…

The first beer that comes to mind is Amstel Light.  It is one dam good bier!  It is low in calories and can be enjoyed throughout the day!  Its lightness allows you drink… and drink… and drink until you can’t drink anymore!  It can be enjoyed with a variety of food; however, I personally like to drink it while munching on delicious Gouda cheese and crackers!  It is so good!  You’ll love it, I swear!

What else is there?

Another beer I enjoy drinking in the summer is Bell’s Oberon.   It is a summer classic in Detroit (and the rest of Michigan) that can be found at almost any local bar or pub.  Try it for lunch with a delicious smoked ham and Edam cheese sandwich.  Or simply enjoy it with a slice of orange on a hot summer day!  But beware, it isn’t as light as Amstel Light since it is a wheat ale, so after a few beers you should be feeling a little lightheaded.    

I guess those are my two top picks for the summer so far…  We did buy a bunch of beer the other day to taste test, so stay tuned for my reviews!  With the rate my husband and I drink, we should be able to review at least 2 more new beers by next week! 

So, until then, Cheers!

Click here to view the embedded video.

Yes, it is sad.  We can only hope Jon and Kate get through this difficult time.

But until then…let’s drink! 

Take a swig each time:

• Kate belittles Jon
• Kate ‘tells’ Jon to do something (to put it nicely) 
• Kate touches her hair (…please get a new hairstyle)
• Kate mentions her book
• Jon is staring off into space while Kate is talking…and talking…and talking
• Kate talks about remodeling/decorating the house
• Jon is ‘on a trip’
• Kate mentions something about having a meltdown (or not having a meltdown…yet)
• Jon is sitting on the couch alone
• Kate is sitting on the couch alone
• Kate is rude or sarcastic to a contractor or stranger

Chug it if:

• Kate rolls her eyes at Jon
• Jon rolls his eyes at Kate
• Jon is sarcastic to Kate
• Kate says, ‘Huge steps for me…Huge!’
• The family van makes an appearance
• Jon smirks when he knows Kate is uncomfortable with house project
• Jon says, ‘It’s hard for me…’

Slam the entire bottle if:

• Kate says, ‘I’m sorry…’
• Jon defends himself
• Kate and Jon show affection to one another (I know…WTF?)

For more Jon and Kate drinking game ideas, check out Chris McCorkle

Take a sip of your favorite alcoholic beverage every time you see or hear…

• A man wearing a Speedo (Hot!)
• A woman wearing a Thong th thong thong thong (Rrrr!)
• A man wearing a Thong th thong thong thong (Sick!)
• A New York accent
• A girl with a tramp stamp (Bullseye!)
• A guy with a barb wire tattoo
• A mom yelling, ‘Kids, come here!’
• A kid building a sand castle
• A local guy walking the beach with a female tourist (Someone is gettin’ some tonight!)
• Honeymooners holding each other with pina coladas in their hands

• A hairy guy wearing a big gold medallion
• A Boston accent
• A topless lady (Oh yeah!)
• A jogger running with his/her I-Pod
• A fat old lady wearing a super small bikini
• Someone saying, ‘We’re from Detroit…’ (They’re really not from Detroit, trust me!)
• An old man roaming the beach with his metal detector
• A guy with a pierced nipple (This could also be the same guy with the barb wire tattoo…2 sips!)
• Someone wearing a ‘I Love NY’ shirt
• A local hollering, ‘Watersports!’

• A girl with camel toe (Read her lips, dammit!)
• Someone wearing a Yankees baseball cap
• A girl with braids all over her head
• Someone not wearing sunscreen (Dumb ass!)
• A fat guy with an unlit cigar in his mouth (This may also be the same guy wearing a gold medallion…2 sips!)
• 2 men walking the beach together (Suspect!)
• A woman with Jerry Seinfeld’s haircut
• A cougar (No, not the feline!)
• A fat local lady with a hobo purse saying, ‘Braids for the beautiful lady?’
• Are you drunk yet?

Hope you enjoy the game! And remember to relax…Aaahhh!

To celebrate St. Patrick’s Day in style, try drinking a Guinness!  It is tasty and won’t give you funky green teeth! 

Oh, Chris!  Poor, dumb Chris!  Who can forget the day you were too stupid for public school and the day you asked Old Man Herbert if he was a pedophile…

And Meg!  Oh, crazy Meg!  The vision of you seducing Brian and the look in your eyes as you grasped a package of hot dogs will haunt our memories forever…

To help ease the pain and comfort the inappropriateness, a drinking game in honor of Family Guy has been created.  So, let’s raise our glasses and toast to the Drunken Clam, Cleveland’s wife, and Quagmire’s love for the ladies…

Giggidy-giggidy-giggidy-giggidy!   Oh, yeah!

Take One Sip When…

• There’s a flashback
• Peter laughs
• Peter drinks a beer
• Peter does something stupid
• Peter says ‘Sweet’
• Stewie has a weapon
• Stewie says ‘Victory is mine!’
• Stewie chats with random adults
• Lois makes dinner
• Brian drinks
• Brian smokes
• Quahog News airs
• Trisha Takinowa reports
• There’s a family driving scene

Takes Two Sips When…

• Peter talks on the phone
• Stewie and Brian fight
• Stewie and Brian make fun of each other
• Joe says ‘Alright, let’s do it!’
• The scene is intentionally drawn out
• Chris says something stupid
• Chris has a good one-liner

Take Three Sips When…

• Someone falls down
• A random sequence airs

Finish the Beer When…

• Someone/A group breaks out in song
• Evil Monkey appears
• Kid with upside down face appears
• There’s a parody of another cartoon/TV show
• William Shatner appears

Are you drunk yet?

For more Family Guy fun, visit Stewie’s Playground.