My first asshole encounter was with a tall, fedora hat-wearing hipster working at Primavera on Saturday at the Farmers Market (food is great, people suck).  Honestly, Asshole, you can crack a smile!  For someone who is in customer service, you should be more of a ‘people person’ and less of an asshole.  Yes, I am well aware that I am a tourist, but as a CUSTOMER SERVICE REPRESENTATIVE you should understand you are there for the CUSTOMER (including tourists) and not for your pompous image of an ‘individual.’  If you were such an individual, I wouldn’t be able to be a label on you as an ASSHOLE HIPSTER!

There were two other people I wanted to punch in the face while in San Fran (I read that the locals hate the term ‘San Fran’- Now, I love it!)-  A bartender and waiter at the Tadich Grill (again, food is great, people suck).  Honestly, do you really need to be sarcastic?  What is really pissing you off?  I understand I was there at 9:30 on a Saturday and you wanted to go home, but THIS IS YOUR JOB!  You are paid to be there for the CUSTOMER! 

Here are some classic lines from our two dashing Douchebags:

Act I:

My husband:  “What do you have on tap?”

Bartender:  “Beer.”

No shit, Dickhead!

Act II:

Bartender (to me, as he serves my husband a beer):  “Do you always come second in his life?”

Act III:

Waiter:  “What can I get you two to drink?”

My husband:  “There is a beer coming from the bar for me.”

Waiter:  “As your waiter, don’t you think I should know that?”

Dickhead, the bartender told us he would tell you, so settle down!

Act IV:

Me:  “How is your bread pudding?”

Waiter:  “It depends on where you are from?”

Me:  “Michigan.”

Waiter:  “Oh, then it will be good for you.”

Really, Asshole?  Really?  Some bald, HIPSTER asshole from San Francisco is suddenly the expert in bread pudding? 

While I could go on and on about the Assholeness in San Francisco, the last asshole encounter I would like to  mention is our douchebag tag wearin’ Concierge at the hotel.  The hotel was great, but easy with the ‘quirky’ and ‘witty’ concierge service.  You are here to help your guest, not make inappropriate comments and keep the ‘tourist’ in the ‘tourist spots’ of San Francisco.  I’ve never been in a city that was so segregated and pretentious in my life!  

If you are heading out to San Francisco, here is a helpful tip- it is only a day trip!  Spend your time outside the city- as long as you can!  We wanted to go Wine Country, but didn’t think we had time.  On Day 2, we were ready to go to the airport and return to Detroit Metro!  I must say, it is pretty sad that we would rather come back to Detroit, than stay in sunny California!

Honest Travel Tips about San Francisco:

Fisherman’s Wharf- Disgustingly commercialized!  It is NOTHING like Chicago’s Navy Pier!  The sea lions smell.  Bad. 

Ghirardelli Square-There are maybe 5 shops in the whole place.  It is such a joke!  Plus, you can buy Ghirardelli chocolates ANYWHERE!

Ferry Building Marketplace- Amazing!  Honestly, the best thing about San Francisco, but only when the Farmer’s Market is there (T, TH, and Sat).  

Cable Cars- The tourists are the only people that use these things and they are ‘stuffed’ in there like sardines.  It is so ridiculous. 

Homeless People- They are everywhere.  It makes you feel so bad, but never fear, they are assholes, too.  They make inappropriate comments to you that are either sexual or racist.

Golden Gate Bridge-  It’s a bridge.  End of story.

Union Square-  There is no cool square with street vendors or performers.  It is just a square with some little cafes and some landscaping.  Outside of ‘the square’ there are shops, shops, and more shops.     

Chinatown-  That’s about it.  Just like every other city.  However, R & G Lounge is AMAZING!

Haight Ashbury-It is San Fran’s Fisherman’s Wharf by land.  Too commercialized.  The hippies are now drinking Starbucks and listening to Grateful Dead on their iPods.

The Food-  YUM.  YUM.  YUM.  If it wasn’t for the food, I would really hate San Francisco.

-George Bernard Shaw

Heaven can’t be too far away…

Click here to view the embedded video.

-Babe Ruth

I wake up everyday and check myself out. 

I look at my hips.  My belly.  And my thighs.   

And then I stare. 

I stare at my whole body. 

I stare for a couple minutes. 

I stand and I stare. 

I am convinced that if I stare long enough and hard enough my lady lumps will go away.

But they don’t.  

They are there. 

And they are there to stare. 

Some days, I get pissed and it becomes Me vs. Me… 

‘You dumb ass!  You are so fat!  What the fuck were you thinking last night?  Like you had to have all that beer and cheese!  You are so stupid!  Stupid!  Stupid!  Stop it, already!’ 

(Yes, I have had this mental argument…many times…)

Other days, I proud of my curves… 

It feels good to be a woman!

I am woman, hear me roar! 

Today I am going to work it!  

Work it!  

Work it!

Work it!

These days are my best day. 

I work it because I love food. 

I work it because I love beer. 

I work it because I want to live life! 

I work it because when I die I will work it no more…

So, I will continue to work it… 

Work it… 

Work it…

Work it!

I am not ashamed of loving food a little too much…

I am ashamed of drinking a little too much…

I am just not ashamed. 

So again…

I will continue to stare. 

To eat.

To drink.

To live. 

And to love. 

Let’s see…

The first beer that comes to mind is Amstel Light.  It is one dam good bier!  It is low in calories and can be enjoyed throughout the day!  Its lightness allows you drink… and drink… and drink until you can’t drink anymore!  It can be enjoyed with a variety of food; however, I personally like to drink it while munching on delicious Gouda cheese and crackers!  It is so good!  You’ll love it, I swear!

What else is there?

Another beer I enjoy drinking in the summer is Bell’s Oberon.   It is a summer classic in Detroit (and the rest of Michigan) that can be found at almost any local bar or pub.  Try it for lunch with a delicious smoked ham and Edam cheese sandwich.  Or simply enjoy it with a slice of orange on a hot summer day!  But beware, it isn’t as light as Amstel Light since it is a wheat ale, so after a few beers you should be feeling a little lightheaded.    

I guess those are my two top picks for the summer so far…  We did buy a bunch of beer the other day to taste test, so stay tuned for my reviews!  With the rate my husband and I drink, we should be able to review at least 2 more new beers by next week! 

So, until then, Cheers!

Click here to view the embedded video.

Yes, it is sad.  We can only hope Jon and Kate get through this difficult time.

But until then…let’s drink! 

Take a swig each time:

• Kate belittles Jon
• Kate ‘tells’ Jon to do something (to put it nicely) 
• Kate touches her hair (…please get a new hairstyle)
• Kate mentions her book
• Jon is staring off into space while Kate is talking…and talking…and talking
• Kate talks about remodeling/decorating the house
• Jon is ‘on a trip’
• Kate mentions something about having a meltdown (or not having a meltdown…yet)
• Jon is sitting on the couch alone
• Kate is sitting on the couch alone
• Kate is rude or sarcastic to a contractor or stranger

Chug it if:

• Kate rolls her eyes at Jon
• Jon rolls his eyes at Kate
• Jon is sarcastic to Kate
• Kate says, ‘Huge steps for me…Huge!’
• The family van makes an appearance
• Jon smirks when he knows Kate is uncomfortable with house project
• Jon says, ‘It’s hard for me…’

Slam the entire bottle if:

• Kate says, ‘I’m sorry…’
• Jon defends himself
• Kate and Jon show affection to one another (I know…WTF?)

For more Jon and Kate drinking game ideas, check out Chris McCorkle

We should all appreciate what we have, right?