As a Gen X’er, I’m stuck in the middle of two generations so different, yet so alike, it makes my head spin daily.  However, I must confess that I share some of the same idiosyncrasies as my fellow Baby Boomers and Gen Y’ers.  And yes, it scares the shit out of me everyday.   

Exhibit 1:

Baby Boomers and Gen Y’ers want to be recognized for the simplest acts, like breathing.  Look at me!  Look what I did!  Look at me!  Look at me! 

Yes, we get it, you can breath!  Great!  Now, move on and get back to work!  

However…when it comes to showing me a little love, you better be ready to RECONGIZE!  But don’t be too flashy- that will only piss me off!  After all, who wants to look too prentenious?  Not me.  That’s just not a Gen X’er’s style. 

Exhibit 2:

Every office has some fat, white guy telling stories about ‘back in the day…’  The office historian who is just so wise with all his life experiences…  Blah.  Blah.  Blah.   You can only hear the same story about some guy who got fired 12 years ago so many times before you want to stab your ears with a Sharpie. 

I wonder what it is about these fat, white guys who are middle-aged and have nothing better to talk about besides the past?  Honestly, is life really that boring that you need to ear rape me everyday?   Please, Mr. fat, white Gen X’er crossing into Baby Boomer territory, please leave me alone.  Please.

Exhibit 3: 

So, what is the one thing that makes me what to pack it up for the day and leave at 9 am?  

The whininess of Gen Y’ers.    

I want to be challenged more. 

I want more development. 

I want this. 

 I want that. 

 I want.  I want.  I want. 

For the love of God, just be happy you have a job!  My God!  We get it.  You are smart.  Awesome.  Now, move on and get back to work!  

Conclusion:

As annoying as it is for me, my poor co-workers have to put up with my BS, too.  Regardless of our age, I think we all go into work with good intentions- Paychecks and more vaction time.  

Afterall, eight hours in a cubicle makes you a Pro at strategically ’collaborating’ and ‘interconnecting’ with any generation to ensure you pass yearly performance reviews and dodge HR discussions.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Tip 1- Don’t wear shorts!  Euros do not wear shorts unless they are at the beach, out in the field working in the hot hot sun, or playing soccer.  Therefore, there is NO REASON for you to wear shorts in Paris, Munich, London, or any other European metropolis!  Yes, even if it is hot!  NO ONE wants to see your hairy manly legs, Nike socks, and Nike shoes.  No one. 

Tip 2- Put the camera down!  Do you really need a picture of E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G?  Oh, Look!  A man painting a picture in Paris!  Oh, Look!  A woman carrying fruit in a basket!  Oh, Look!  A kid with flies all over his nose!  Aaww!  How cute!  Stop!  Just stop!  It is not nice!  Plus, would you really take a picture of a homeless man in Detroit or a picture of a street vendor in NYC?  No, they would probably beat the shit out of you!  So, please put the camera down!

Tip 3- Don’t get drunk!  Have you ever heard of ‘Belgian Girls Gone Wild’?  or ‘MTV’s Euro Spring Break’?  Well, that’s because they do not exist!  Yes, Europeans may make freaky-deaky porns and enjoy their beer and wine; however, they do not all of the sudden get crazy-ass drunk, start doing body shots off their best friend, and become bi-sexual for the night!  It just doesn’t happen.  

Tip 4- America IS NOT the world police!  Contrary to popular belief, we do not own the world!  We cannot do whatever we want, wherever we want, whenever we want!  Other countries have laws and we need to abide by them.  This is even in your passport- Yes, our beloved country even tells you to chill out with the arrogance.  So, once again, before you think you are Princess Di and try to smuggle 30 kids into the United States, remember this little tidbit of information!

Tip 5- US currency is not accepted everywhere!  In Japan, you pay with a yen- not a dollar.  A cup of coffee in London is about £1.30 not $1.30.  If you are traveling in Europe, exchange your dollars for Euros.  Please do not try to pay with a $50 bill after you enjoyed your dinner.  It’s embarrassing. 

Tip 6- Not everyone speaks American- I mean, English!  If someone tells you once that they do not speak English, they cannot miraculously start speaking English if you keep speaking in English to them.  They do not speak English!  Leave them alone, learn the native tongue, or STFU!

Tip 7- Not everyone drives an American car!  Frenchmen do not drive Ford F-150s.  The Brits do not roll in Dodge Rams.  And not every family around the world has an SUV with navigation and a DVD player.  Oh, and walk away before you say, ‘Oh, how cute!  That car is so small!’

Tip 8- Knee-length white socks are a no-no!  Oh, and white socks with black shoes are an even bigger no-no!  If you feel the need to wear socks with your sneakers or sandals, please wear pants!  Please.  

Tip 9- Try the national dish!  Yes, McDonald’s is E-V-E-R-Y-W-H-E-R-E, but that doesn’t mean you have to eat it!  Try the pad thai in Thailand!  Eat lamb and eggplant moussaka in Greece!  And don’t roll your eyes when you’re told what ingredients are in falafel when you are in Middle East!

Tip 10- Play nice!  Once you get your passport, consider it permission to represent America.  Yes, some people may rude and unhelpful, but at least you won’t be labeled as a sterotypical American.

Ingredients

• 1 to 2 packages cream cheese, room temperature
• 2 cloves chopped garlic 
• 1/4 cup finely chopped sun-dried tomatoes 
• Chopped fresh basil leaves
• Pinch salt
• 10 to 25 jalapeno peppers (larger than average size will make them easier to stuff)
• 1/2 to 1 pound thinly sliced bacon 

Directions

Ingredients:

• 3 Haas avocados, halved, seeded and peeled
• 1 lime, juiced
• 1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cumin
• 1/2 teaspoon cayenne
• 1/2 medium onion, diced
• 2 Roma tomatoes, seeded and diced (the chuckier, the better) 
• 1 tablespoon chopped cilantro (If you are a cilantro hater, it is ok- you don’t really need it)
• 1 clove garlic, minced

Directions:

Ugh.

I haven’t experimented with all the crazy Bloody Mary ingredients and recipes out there.  I’ve been a basic Tabasco and Mr. and Mrs. T‘s kinda girl.  But today, I am trying Zing Zang‘s mix.  The wine guy at the fruit market got a little excited when I asked him where the Bloody Mary mix was located.  He briskly walked me to the secret stash of Zing Zang and with a smile on his face said, ‘It is the best,’ as handed me a bottle.  

So, what’s the verdict?

Amazing! 

It was spicy, zingy, and zangy.  The chili peppers in the mix kept the party goin’ with every sip and the vegetable juice blend was flavorful and filling.  I mean, who needs to eat dinner when they can drink it? 

So, the wine guy was right.  It is the best.  Bravo, Zing Zang!  Bravo!  You brought a little comfort to working girl dreading her manic Monday.   

Cheers. 

 But, don’t think you are going mad!  No, sir!  You are just putting your heart and soul into something you love. 

Van Gogh said it best, ‘I put my heart and my soul into my work, and have lost my mind in the process.”

Honestly, who are you? 

Are you 1/2 gothic 1/2 preppy? 

Are you 100% Pure Alterna-Fuck? 

 Are you even clean? 

When I see a hipster, I want to vomit!  Yes, projectile vomit onto their ‘vintage’ concert t-shirt and skintight jeans!  They are lost dirty little fuckheads trying so hard to be different!  They spend more time on looking dirty than actually cleansing themselves!  And they spend more time criticizing others who are ‘too square’ than actually becoming experts on what they are criticizing us about! 

Really, you know that much about Eastern European history?  Really? 

And really, you know that much about cinematography and 1960′s Czech film noir?

Sure.

Just STFU! 

You hipsters kill me!

(I googled ‘stupid hipster’ and found the perfect illustration…Enjoy!)

Well, I’m 31 years old now and can pretty much beat my annual salary that my parents had no clue what organic food was back in 1978.   Both my parents were loyal Detroit Rock City factory workers and food had to be quick and easy!  My mother had no time to read labels to determine if the ingredients were healthy enough for me.  I was a formula-fed, Chef Boyardee eatin’, Mt. Dew drinkin’ kid!  Hey, I ended up graduating college and living in the ‘burbs- I’m pretty sure I didn’t come out that bad… 

Now that I am a mom raising a little girl in a somewhat health- conscious society, I am little paranoid about my every move.   Does this juice have too much sugar?  How many hot dogs are acceptable in a week?  Instant or homemade mashed potatoes?  Is Chef Boyardee safe?  Was it ever safe?  Organic milk vs. non-organic milk?  What’s it goin’ be?  Uh?  What’s it goin’ be, dammit! 

Being a parent is tough! 

Last Friday night I went to Trader Joe’s to pick up some cheap wine for my husband’s hunting trip.  While I was trying to find the perfect case of wine for a bunch of deer hunters, I couldn’t believe the amount of boxed organic foods.   Boxed organic crackers.  Boxed organic macaroni.  Boxed organic shepherd’s pie.  What?  Really?  Boxed shepherd’s pie?  Really?  Do you really think an Englishman would eat boxed shepherd’s pie? 

I guess there are some things we all expect to be processed (like Spam, Chef Boyardee, and Hormel Chili), but there are some things, like shepherd’s pie, that we expect to be homemade.  Is boxed organic shepherd’s pie more superior than Hamburger Helper?  Would a hipster from San Francisco enjoyably eat the boxed organic shepherd’s pie, but chuckle if I told him that I used frozen peas and carrots in my dinner last night?  Is organic shepherd’s pie in a box heartier and more filling than the tradition countryside recipe?  I guess I just don’t get it! 

Maybe my whole dilemma comes from the fact that I am a little disturbed with the word ‘organic’ being thrown around so easily.  Organic farmers take pride in their work and they follow very strict guidelines to put the word ‘organic’ on their product.  I find it a little hard to believe that an organic farmer would consciously be comfortable with the fact that his fresh produce was dried, processed, and boxed.  Would he really sacrifice his family’s life and attend countless USDA meetings for a spot on Trader Joe’s top shelf?  I highly doubt it.