My Kids Lead Me to Drink
Jan 25th, 2009 by Goldie
Before you have children, you are free to do whatever you want whenever you want. ‘Oh, I want to go to Starbucks today.’ You grab your keys and go. ‘Oh, I want to get my hair done today.’ You grab your keys and go. ‘Oh, I want to go to the bar tonight and a throw up in my shoes.’ You call your designated driver and go.
You are free as bird without any boundaries or extra baggage. No worries about babysitting, the color of poop, or vaccinations. No worries. No worries. No worries. The only worries maybe too many highlights with your lowlights or too much foam in your latte.
Becoming a parent is a life changing experience. Kids bring a joy to your life that is unexplainable. It honestly is a miracle. One minute, you are single and ready to mingle. Nine months later, you are blessed with a little mini-me. As you watch them grow, you get warm fuzzy feelings all over your body. You light up when you see their smile from across the room. You want to love ‘em, hug ‘em and call ‘em George all day long. You are their protector, educator, and best of all, mommy (or daddy).
But, the excitement of parenthood, can mess with the best of us. Our identity is lost as our brain slowly diminishes to Nick Jr. and Noggin. Our interests in politics, religion, fashion, and art become Dora and Sesame Street conversations. And sadly, Blues Clues and Yo Gabba Gabba replace The Office and 30 Rock as ‘Must See TV.’
However, in the words of Public Enemy, you gotta ‘Fight the Power’ with drinking! After you put little Jack or Janie to bed, unwind with a glass or two of wine or a can or two of beer. Special Warning: No more than two! It will help soothe the reality of everyday stress and help you cope with knowing all the words to Barney’s ‘I Love You’.
Drinking after the little one goes to sleep does not make you a bad parent. It makes you a better parent! Why would you want to shout and take your frustrations out on you little baby? Are you a serial killer or something?!?
However, I must confess, there is another Special Warning: You will freak out the first time your little one wakes up while you are enjoying your Merlot. So, take it easy! Stay calm! If you freak out, they will freak out more. Take your little one back to bed and shut the door. Now,wait… Wait about 10 minutes before you get your drink on again. This will give little Janie or Jack a chance to start counting sheep and you a chance to relax and stop telling yourself you are a bad parent.
During your time of unwinding, reminisce about the good ‘ol days. Your days of listening to Depeche Mode and wearing Doc Martens. That one time in band camp and sneaking into the clubs with your sister’s fake ID. Aaahh, the good ‘ol days! You finally found yourself again! No kids. No worries. Aaahh, the comfort of beer! Afterall, after your mommy (or daddy) title, you are YOU! And gosh darn it, people like you!
